Friday, July 19, 2013


We have the amazing capacity to stretch and bend.
Burn and freeze.
Forget and hold on to.
The human heart was designed impeccably.
After creation we decided we weren't good enough.
Toiling and captivity and raging against beauty comes naturally to us now.
You could have asked me a few months ago how I felt about the process of letting go and I would have counted it giving up.
I couldn't fathom how you could ever let someone that had been in your life for so long go.
Ashes to the wind.
I would have counted it fact that I harbored some deep infection within me, leeching out to my lips, eyes, fingers, and toes.
As though my very fiber of being revolted against the things that determined to set me right.
The sole reason someone would decide to leave my life.
My transgressions.
Life, similar to seasons, changes.
Your heart.
Your mind.
What you hold dear and beautiful and what you cling to.
It is an amazing aspect of our design that God gave us the ability to move on and to walk away.
Often times we endeavor to build a city when we chance meet one another and sometimes we end up destroying even the tools we started with.
Fire of passion.
Flood of emotion.
Mortar made of sugared hopes.
Then comes the rain.
Sometimes we can't see from all the things we hope and think and know we'll do.
Unaware that where we begin to forge these plans is actually where we will be refined.
If you asked me now, I would say that it's necessary to be walk away or walk away from.
Who are we to decide if we are good for someone?
It's not a testament to out weakness and it may be necessary.
We were designed with free will, but we often times think we know what's best.
You can't fall backwards in time to bend and mold events as you wished they would have occurred.
I think it happens as it should.
There's always greener grass after the fields burn.
I've seen them in the summer time in the pastures.
I can feel my skin blacken slowly by my choices and the turn of the world.
I can't feel the smoke burning my eyes that tears won't wash away.
Nails peel back from crawling towards the past.
Muscles ache from the running.
At some point you realize that you would rather fit where you were created to than to fight and be what you weren't supposed to be.
I just want to be refined.
In what way(s) do you want to be refined?


  1. I want to find a place where I feel complete and worth something. I too want to feel like I belong; and you are right, I think - we can't try to fit ourselves in to some place/shape/life that isn't what we were created to be. To be complete and content we need to just BE what we were created for.

    I just wish I KNEW what I was supposed to do...

    Love this post. Beautiful words.

    1. It's hard because we have all these things we want to do and we don't appreciate the people we are enough. Just relax for a minute. It'll come.
      Thanks dear. :D

  2. I hope things are going well with Tony.
    I like the line about being created and then deciding we're not good enough. It makes me think that by having an ED I'm spitting in the face of God, which gives me motivation to stop.

    1. You know, it does me too, actually. The fact that it saddens Him makes me feel bad.

  3. Awe, I love this post so much. It is so beautiful and inspirational!

    I absolutely love it and the funny thing is, right now I felt at peace. I haven't felt at peace in a long time. Then today I painted, not because I was angry and needed to let off steam, but because I had a little bit of hope and peace.

    1. I'm so glad you do girl! It's long overdue for you!