Monday, January 2, 2017

Is Anyone Out There

There thought that maybe I wasn't able to connect with people because I was in school and I had this idea that I needed to pursue my passion before anything.
Finally I succeeded and I graduated with my masters in counseling and then come the job hunt, which I'm still on. 
My days have been filled working at the treatment center giving everything I can (in a healthy way) to the substance abuse population. 
I look around a realize my life has become just that: giving. 
I go to work my eight hour shift with teens that don't care about consequences yet and adults who know all too well. 
Stories that could fill pages and interactions that have had me holding back teas. 
I come home to my loving boyfriend and dog and he reminds me of why I chose this path when I'm down and reminds me of how proud he is. 
Then I look around. 
I spent all my time giving and yet everyone I can be friends with has their own lives. 
Boyfriends.
Husbands.
Children.
I long for a girl's day and yet only see how people are through a facade of social media. 
I reach out when I'm struggling with my depression and lack of money hoping for encouragement and am told that they're busy hold on. 
Truth be told I play therapist to a lot of people who say they're my friends. 
And I'm an idiot because I want so badly to connect with people that I can have a two way relationship with and so I listen. 
I listen and listen and then they have to go or they can't talk because of work or this and that. 
I find myself empty. 
The people I do talk with and have a fulfilling relationship with are friends that live back in my home town four hours away and I wish that I could just see them. 
I wish that the people I know here would treat me as a human and not just as a therapist. 
When I draw the line they apologize and promise and yet it never changes, but I don't want to be alone with only my boyfriend.
He's my best friend but I want to just have a female friend I can rely on to put in that effort and come over. 
I know it's silly and I know I'm whining, but I look around and wonder how life got so empty.
I wonder how everything became instagram and Facebook.
How we didn't have to remember birthdays because Facebook says it and we don't have to ask about something because I think deep inside we crave someone caring so we post a photo or a status. 
We don't connect and we don't give our most valuable resource: time 
How did it all get so empty?
Is anybody out there?

9 comments:

  1. I wish I lived close to you and we could go on a girly day out and have a pyjama party and go out and do fun stuff all the time. I'm out there, across the ocean, but always with you. Xoxo

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    1. I do too. I love you beautiful. Thank you.

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  2. When I talk about the Olden Days before the internet and cell phones, the kids in youth group look at me like I'm spinning some wild fantasy story.

    I'll take real live people over facebook and instagram any day.

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    1. Exactly! That's what the kids are all about and I think, man you guys are missing out!

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  3. It's not silly to want a girlfriend. I had three, very close ones, but along the way I lost them.

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    1. And so you know my struggle perfectly. Ugh I hate that.

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  4. I'm not the greatest at talking with people these days, but I'm always here for a friendship that goes both ways. You deserve true friendships, not just those which take and take and take. I hate that we're all so far away from each other and can't just gather for a blogger girls day.

    <3

    xx

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    1. Girl I wish too. We could all watch movies in our comfy clothes with all our pets!

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  5. Everyone is really busy with life...some people have different priorities. I've let people down and people let me down frequently. Sometimes it's probably karma. Shame really as I much prefer serving others to serving myself these days! I've found volunteering at something completely out of your area helps. For me it was wildlife rescue but I have done so.some. other things as well...you don't tend to talk about your profession or "other life". I've definately met some different people there. It's fun at the meetings, there's usually tea and a cupcake and some banter in between the PowerPoint. .....takes you out of yourself you know? I have a friend who is a social worker and she got into surf rescue at weekends so anything is possible x

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