I realized that you'll be gone in a week and I can't breath.
The sob is sitting patiently below stomach and heart, waiting to escape into a display of vulnerability when you're no longer there to offer the comfort of proximity.
I can't breath and it doesn't matter that you said things that bruised my already shoddy ego.
In the beginning you helped me construct butterfly wings of gossamer and paper mache...
...then held the match.
So much power, though I let you have it.
Giving it on bended knees bruised by stooping too often.
Take it, please, I beg you.
You don't believe you've gotten my heart but I think you know.
Kissing me in my sleep on the top of my head.
I, rousing to the unconscious movement closer with my arm wrapped around you.
Him and I, we don't communicate in pleasantries but with fires.
Minus the smoke,
Fan the flame.
Only knowing how to operate in blistering heat.
You say you don't believe me.
I can't breath....
I love you.....
Lots of love and pain expressed here. You must be experiencing an incredible mix of emotions my friend. I have been here (several times) and can honestly say that you will find clarity because of this...
ReplyDeleteI know and I appreciate your kind words beyond belief. Empathy helps sooth an aching heart. You made it out alive so I will too.
DeleteMy heart breaks for you Eve. I know this guy has a stranglehold on you and I know he doesn't deserve you. You feel things so deeply and so fiercely, the passion and lust and anger and sorrow and longing pours out of every word. I hope he's feeling something equally as strong. I know he will miss you more than he lets on.
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I hope so too Chris. I'm not able to just walk away from it mentally and emotionally. You've been a doll with my complaining. :)
Delete"Him and I, we don't communicate in pleasantries but with fires." That is one hell of a good metaphor and so simply implies how intense it all can become. It makes me nervous... I don't know why but I does. Has life always taught me to steer myself away from the depths of human experience? It's a question hidden with so many answers and one that will keep me up at night forever, I know that. Anyway, about your comment, yes please email me :) my blog mail is thesimpleblissblog@gmail.com... Love xo
ReplyDeleteThat's curious, why nervous? I think it does. We watched a very emotional video in a training today and the woman leading the training began tearing up. I thought, I naturally look away. It's not shameful to show it.
DeleteThis is heartbreaking to read. So much sadness, so much pain... You and your heart have had such a hard year, and I wish I could take the pain away. You're a beautiful soul and a dear friend and I love you to pieces. I'm sorry I haven't had many words lately. Big hugs to you lovely <3 xx
ReplyDeleteYes, but you know, it's probably good for it. I can't believe where I am but I'm glad I'm here and not there. Thanks for sticking around. Your words and support mean the world to me and I love you.
DeleteIt's hard to admit it when you depend on someone like this, I'm trying my best but it seldom works.
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Ahh you and Henry. I'm sure somewhere under there there's a heartbreak that threatens to break loose. You always maintain composure in any instance. <4
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ReplyDeleteThank you! I really appreciate that! I will. :) <3
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